The Neopian Conspiracy Theories, 5
by Synnic
Summary: I'm sure everyone has met this annoying blue ghost.


The Neopian Conspiracy Theories - Part Five  
  
  
  
Well, I seem to have made it back in one piece, and of course I have picked up more knowledge on my travels!  
  
We've looked into the ways that the Neopian Shadow Government makes Neopoints, but there are also strange things happening with items.  
  
  
  
The Pant Devil  
  
I'm sure everyone has met this annoying blue ghost. He seems to pop up at the worst moments, normally just after you buy something expensive. He will quickly snatch the item from you and flee before you've even managed to finish counting your change.  
  
Now, if everyone has experienced this, and with some 22 million people playing NeoPets, that's one busy Pant Devil, and a lot of items!  
  
But what does he do with the items? Surely he has no use for them (other then maybe a few choice Battledome weapons). He gives the rest to the Shadow Government!  
  
  
  
The Snowager (so many people pointed out stuff that I can't list them all, but thank you!)  
  
The Snowager is the only one of its kind, unique in all Neopia. So how did it come into being? What became of its parents? How long has it lived, and how long will it live? And exactly what does it eat? Rumours are that it will happily munch on your pet, but I have found no evidence of this ever happening.  
  
It's a gigantic worm made of Ice, now lets just think about this… A worm made of ice, surely its blood freezes in its veins? Ice is brittle, so how does the Snowager move without shattering himself? Ice can also be "sticky" (if you've ever stuck your tongue to a lollypop, you know what I mean), so surely the monster would be stuck to the inside of the cave, and the treasure hoard. Also the temperature would have to be kept at a perfectly steady level, any increase in temperature, and the beast would melt, and if the temperature dropped any lower more layers of frost would build up across its body and its cave making it impossible for it to ever move! But even in some of the coldest (or hottest) places in Neopia, the temperature is never constant, it always fluctuates by at least a couple of degrees!  
  
And why has no one ever thought of going in there with a Fire Weapon like the Million-Degree Sword – they would be able to melt the worm, and take all its treasure.  
  
Its because the Snowager is not just ice alone, it is carefully protected by the magic and technology of the Shadow Government, maybe it was even created by them to guard items on their behalf.  
  
So why do they allow us to sneak in and steal items while it sleeps?  
  
Its so that we never attempt to storm into the caves in our hundreds all armed with Million-Degree Swords. Think about it, it would require quite some effort on our part to amass an army and equipment capable of taking out the Snowager, but its so very easy to just sneak past him when he sleeps and grab an item, then leg it out of the caves. So by carefully allowing a tiny percentage of their items to be looted, they protect themselves from a full-on raid.  
  
And as pointed out by Rwj, if the Snowager wakes up and blasts your pets, you have to go get them healed – maybe the SG are producing the healing potions!  
  
  
  
Discarding Items  
  
I've often wondered what happens when you discard an item. Surely that implies dropping it on the floor, but then try as you might, you can search and search, but the item is no-where to be seen!  
  
There are some strange individuals in Neopia, which have had no mention made of themselves anywhere (for example, the Bug Brothers). I believe that once you discard an item, some strange creature, or person unheard-of comes along and whisks away the items before you have a chance to see where it landed! Of course, these items go to the Shadow Government!  
  
So I ask you, don't just discard your items, which will guarantee your items get into the hands of the SG. Instead donate them to the Money Tree, which although also a front for the SG, there is the tiniest chance that another Neopian may gain the item instead of the SG.  
  
  
  
The Item Quests (again lots of people pointed this out, thank you all!)  
  
The Underwater Kitchen, The Snow Faerie, The Witch's Tower, the list goes on…  
  
There are many quests that could be completed in Neopia. They're a simple idea – go get some items, give them to whomever, and get a reward.  
  
But most of the time, the items you get as a reward are worth far less then the items you had to collect. Also most of the quests ask you to obtain items for a spell or recipe, but I've never seen a Wand of Chia-frazzling or plate of Creamy Tomatoes with Yeast Mash. And surely the Esophagor can't be that hungry! So why are we collecting items to make other items that are never seen anywhere in Neopia? Either these strange recipes are simply made up, or the Shadow Government is experimenting with strange and frightening new ideas!  
  
  
  
Faerie Quests (thanks to darkprincess13uk)  
  
Why are the Faeries constantly loosing items, and asking you to finds replacements for them? Surely with all their magic, they can either conjure up a new item, or locate the one they have lost. Also, think about how many people must obtain items for the Faeries each day – how many purple lipsticks does a Faerie need???  
  
So you go find these items, hand them over, and them the faerie waves a magic wand, and your Pet is fully healed, is suddenly faster, or maybe something else. But this is magic, its not costing the Faeries anything to just wave their wands about a bit… So what happens to the hundreds of items? But surely the Faeries can't have anything to do with the Shadow Government? Can they?  
  
  
  
Kauvara's Magic Shop  
  
The Faerie Portrait is sold in Kauvara's shop for a considerable amount of Neopoints. Yet it doesn't do anything, except entice you with its cryptic message "Could this portrait of the Faerie be the secret you've been looking for? Find out. Very Rare Item**" If you try to use the item, it simply disappears! (thanks to clare4000).  
  
  
  
Bottle Faeries are also sold by Kauvara, and this very strange little circle of events was pointed out by meaningless_username.  
  
Balthazar the Bounty Hunter runs around and catches Faeries, and then shoves them into bottles. He then sells the Faeries to Kauvara, who places them in her Shop. Kauvara has an agreement with the Faerie Queen, and pays her to ensure that the Faeries will bless your pet once released. Neopians then buy the faeries from the shop for large amounts of Neopoints. Once released, the Faeries are again captured by Balthazar. (I imagine the poor faeries get quite distressed by all of this, and are sometimes so relieved to be out of the bottle, they forget to bless you pet!). This may just be a strange profit-making venture by Balthazar, Kauvara and the FaerieQueen, or is the Shadow Government also involved?  
  
  
  
Once again we have come to a convenient place to stop, there are so many other strange happenings in Neopia, so best to stop here for now before we all get too paranoid!!  
  
As always, if you have any ideas, feel free to let me know! See you next time!  
  
Onugu 


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